John 16:33

 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

12 December 2016- 4 am

John 16 33

I have nightmares, from which I wake up flustered. They go on for days at a stretch, sometimes weeks. I panic.

I pray that I want these terrible things to stop, because they disturb my sleep and my daily routine.

But then, I think that dreams are just another tool that God uses to help us cope with life. They are things that He has made, there is nothing supernatural about them. They are as natural as the sun rising for a new day, and as miraculous. They are tools that He uses to purge us of negativity, maybe. Or to remind us that He is with us.

I don’t question the blessings that I receive. I accept them as being as natural as the air that I breathe. So why should I question God when I get these nightmares and nightmarish days? It is good for me that I be here for now. He will bring me out of the miry clay, and restore me, He renews me daily.

How am I certain He is True?

I have a Bible app on my phone. John 16:33 came as a notification right after I woke up from a rather horrific dream. I am reminded of these Bible verses. I have an inkling God is speaking to me directly. No, not an inkling. I am quite positive He is.

 

 

 

 

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thoughts on my book

My poetry book Lights That Guide You is now available for order on Amazon, and I feel so blessed to be able to share it with you guys. I write whatever stuff that crosses my mind, and I’m lucky to have readers who would take the time to read them. So a big thank you to all of you.

I know I’m somewhat of an erratic blogger (blame it on college, but really, I will be more regular). A lot of my time has gone into my book, so that’s one of the reasons too. Possibly. And also, I am a bit lazy to be honest.

But thank you for reading the things that I write, for showing your support and encouraging me to write more.

Oh, and the book is available on Amazon for anyone who wants to buy it.

order book here or here!

Thanks guys!

why we will always make mistakes

A popular fallacy in pop psychology is that there are two sets of people based wholly on whether they are left-brained or right-brained. The right hemisphere of the brain is for artistic, creative activities. People who are right-brained are innovative and artistic. And then there is the left hemisphere of the brain which is used for logical thinking, reasoning and so on.

But I recently found out in a vlog by one half of the Vlogbrothers, Hank Green, (link here- Are People Really Left-Brained or Right-Brained?) that there is no such thing as left-brained and right-brained individuals. It is a huge misconception that still prevails in pop psychology and thousands of people have been misguided into this false notion of how the brain works. And the saddest thing about this is that people have actually been advised to make career decisions based on whether they are “left-brained” or “right-brained”. This is depressing news.

And this is most probably not the only fallacy that we collectively think of as true, blindly following whatever information is presented to us. There may still be hundreds of other misconceptions that societies believe to be true. But then, all human thought is an attempt to arrive at knowledge that is sadly, beyond our reach. Some contemporary theories will be, at worst, debunked by later theories, or at best, new knowledge will be added to them. We are all horribly limited, and even when we think we know the truth, it is never the total truth. There are always some shades that have not been observed, some pictures that have remained hidden in the shadows.

We are all doomed to make mistakes because of our limited knowledge and understanding, for the simple reason that truth is evasive (not Truth as in the Biblical sense, rather as in the collective knowledge of the universe). We have made mistakes and we will continue to make them, I guarantee you, but that is not the end. We will try our best, enjoying everything while it lasts, every golden sun setting below the horizon, every drop of iridescent water. Keep on pushing forward. Making mistakes along the way. We are not expected to be perfect. What a relief that is. We are free to make mistakes, but not free to give up. Enjoy all the beauty of the universe, try to understand it, but remember, there is always more to realize.

Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood took a walk through the creepy woods, filled with creepy crawly creatures and snakes slithering through the tall grass, swishing and swaying. She hummed as she walked along, with a lightness in her gait.

imagine all the people living life in peace ooohoo

you may say i’m a dreamer oooo

but i’m not the only one

Little Red Riding Hood was a terrible dreamer all right. She dreamed of cotton candy on the moon, her version of the moon had a rabbit stuck inside an anthill, only his ears popped out, so you could see these small rabbit ear-like things, tiny shadows on the surface. She believed that the sun was there only to be a blazing ball of fire, a rounded furnace. She kicked it about, burning her tiny red boots in the process. The sun had eaten up her new Chanel boots.

She carried a basket full of pills covered in six inches of chocolate and candy, to get into a carriage that was supposed to take her away to Guatemala, where she would meet a handsome prince (in disguise as a gangster). Then they would run away and live together on the castle up there on that hill, happily ever after.

Little Red Riding Hood had all these dreams about her prince charming, the one who was a gangster working for the biggest organisation in Mexico (Guns, Ammunition, Coke, you name it). He was supposed to run away from the others, to start a new life with her, in a beautiful, serene castle.

He was shot. Bleeding.

Pulse slowing, Blood spilling.

Just when he was dialling Little Red.

To tell her they were after her.

Disguised as wolves, they tempted her. Said, “Prince asked us to give you this.”

She took it, a letter, saying goodbye, saying he loved her, saying he didn’t want to do this, but he had to, because there was no other way.

She wept.

They had lied, and she didn’t know. She blamed him, said, “It is his fault.” Said, “I will go to Guatemala and see for myself.”

He wasn’t there anymore, just his t-shirt ripped to shreds. In pieces, torn and grimy, smelling of gunpowder, like always. She buried the last that she found of him, the only things he had left behind. The castle dreams shattered.

Things can change in a day.

On Estragon and Vladimir (and why i am not an existentialist)

We’re reading this famous drama called Waiting for Godot (God-oh) in college, and it’s about two characters, Estragon and Vladimir who basically just keep on waiting for a person named Godot. And bummer. He doesn’t even show up at the end. Well, that’s sad. This drama, on the surface, seems strange and absurd. It leads to no progression in plot, there is little that is being said or done, and there is a lot of repetition in dialogue. I find it funny, too, since the characters are somewhat comical.

But beneath the bizarre dialogue and form is a deep meaning. It questions the purpose of life, the futility of our interactions; Estragon and Vladimir are two isolated creatures of this world, which is in itself a purposeless construct. They have no use in this world and the world is of no use to them. They search, wait and hope for someone or something, anything, to pull them out of their troubles, but in vain. They do not know when Godot will show up, not to mention whether he will eventually.

I find the existential philosophy behind this drama dark and disturbing at the very least. The insinuation that life is purposeless is a theory that I find hard to agree with, and the very fact that the two characters communicate so little with each other, that their interactions are so meaningless, is alarming and unsettling.

From a Christian point of view, there is a deeper reason behind everything. The whole universe has a reason for its existence. The smallest star, formed from the smallest atoms, is strong and mighty, shining light years ahead. The weakest chemical bonds form our body, an amazingly intricate and mysterious network that modern science is yet to wholly unravel. Scientists have been able to produce artificial intelligence, capable even of forming thoughts for itself, but have never come close to the secrets behind our universe. The symmetry in nature. The multicoloured spectrum in orchids, butterflies, birds, everywhere you choose to look. Ants, bees, spiders and their unique ways.

Mankind could attempt to reproduce this world in all its magnificence, but it would never come close. I don’t know whether you agree, but I find that man-made structures can never truly surpass the wondrous mysteries of the natural world. The Great Wall, the Taj Mahal, the Colosseum. I can’t seem to find how they could ever match the Great Barrier Reef, or the Himalayas, or maybe even a tiny orchid, in majesty.

nature photography

So I guess I’m not an existentialist. I don’t think that our years will end in nothing, that the earth will get hit by a meteor, causing the destruction of the human race and all life forms. I don’t think that aliens will abduct us and destroy the human species. I don’t believe that our actions on earth have no further impact on the universe.  Maybe they won’t be as magnitudinous as we have hoped, but I believe that there is definitely a reason behind everything.

Image here

 

the best place

★I want a race through the woods, silver moonlight glistening through the foliage.
Boom, then bang a car door slams and we’ll drive anywhere, to any place we want
And maybe stop at a drive through and watch movies starring James Dean and Elizabeth Taylor.
Movies like those have always been my weakness, You see.
Or maybe we could book the next flight out of town,
Fly to Paris or New York city or Buenos Aires or Tokyo
Or anywhere we want
And spend the whole month there wonderfully lost and immersed in something so new.
New cultures and new people and new worlds and a new Everything.
I want a bike ride, cold wind on my neck,
Hair tangled on my face,
Scuba diving to witness the coral reef in all its magnificence.
I want to sleep on the bonnet, skin to skin,
On that hill over there that overlooks LA
And talk the whole night through about things,
Like trauma and therapy and how it never works anyway
But you still go for the heck of it
And also because that’s what your parents want;
About anxiety and its debilitating side effects and how the medication has robbed you of your freedom.
About things, in general. We’ll talk about things.
Then maybe we won’t feel so alone anymore, you know.
We’ll lie there the whole night overlooking LA,
And I’ll wake you up in the morning with a peck on your cheek,
And you’ll say, “Where do we go today?”
And I’ll answer, “Right here. The best place.”★

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image here

in which I reach another dead end in my endless questioning

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Christmas is almost here, a moment to remember what Jesus has done for us, and we are drawing to the close of another year. Another year of joy alongside sorrow, of health and abundant blessings alongside some pitfalls, a few days of ill health, I would assume for all of us. Because this is what life is, to be honest. It is never just one hue, one tone. There are plenty of variations. Different colours in a day. So much music in just the buzz of a bee, in the howl of a wolf. Life is a whole lot of variations all piled up into one.

The season to be jolly, we call it. The season when families meet up for dinners, to catch up on lost time and give one another small mementos of our affection. Giving presents to the less fortunate. Doing our small share of good deeds in an otherwise hopelessly fallen world. To people who don’t have the slightest knowledge of the reason for our joy. Of the Baby in the manger, Jesus of Nazareth, The Alpha and The Omega, The Beginning and The End. Our God. Our Saviour. Our one and only.

It is so sad to see so many people living without families, without a place to call their own. Their own share of life’s little joys. It is even more depressing to see these people live in so much emotional pain, because they don’t have hope for a better life in the world to come.

Life is so many different hues and shades, like a swirling of the coral reefs, of rainbows. (Probably not as beautiful for us pessimistic folk, though.) But some people have more than their fair share of grey and black. (Something that I experienced firsthand while volunteering at a home for less fortunate children.)

I was taught at a young age to never say, “Life is so unfair.” But there are so many questions that I have, questions that have till now remained unanswered, that I cannot help but feel that it is.

But to end this post on a positive note: I have always been taught, at church and elsewhere, that we are not alone in our suffering. Jesus Christ suffered for us, He cries with us when we do, and He is with us. This is comfort in itself. Please remember this. You are never alone.

image here

 

paradoxes

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“increasing confusion” by Dan Scott

She was a paradox, myriad feelings that were in constant opposition within her, emotions that she herself knew not how to make sense of. She wanted to scream her lungs out, to feel for just a tiny second that liberation that came with expression, much like how she felt when she painted and the colours were splashed upon the canvas. Then there was a part of her that was incomprehensibly terrified of ever showing her thoughts to anyone else, so she never did.

She wanted to feel someone next to her, to feel the warmth of someone’s skin upon her own and to have a heart beating especially for her. But then again, she knew that a love like that was inevitably accompanied by wreckage of the worst kind, so she shielded herself from it. She wanted to chase after her dreams, but was afraid of failure; she wanted to hope and feel and love, but there was a voice inside her that said she would forever be alone.

She was a paradox, myriad feelings that were in constant opposition within her. So she chose to listen to the voice that said she was worthless. She chose all the wrong ones, all the wrong thoughts and emotions and words that pulled her into a perpetual spiral to the abyss. Her life could have been different had she made a different choice, at a different time, at a different place. But that was that, and it’s no secret that her choices went a long way in her life.

image is right here

Please Understand

The labels that they put on you-

Selfish. Always, always the first adjective that comes to their minds.

I really don’t see the logic, though.

Am I selfish for wanting the pain to stop,

For wanting to escape from this perpetual nightmare?

Or is it because of some other reason?

 

But then again, aren’t you the Selfish One here, the Hypocrite,

Because your narrow mind just cannot find that morsel of decency

To ask me how I am feeling? No, not once.

Aren’t you the Selfish One for not giving a thought to another being’s pain?

Or maybe your definition of “selfish” is just too different from mine.

 

The thing about all this, though, is that you crave solitude;

Just that one moment to yourself.

Just that one day to yourself.

A lifetime to yourself.

You want it, but you don’t really want it.

I know of no simpler way to express it in words.

Call it anxious/avoidant attachment or whatever jargon that has been coined;

It still confuses me.

 

I want someone to call my own, but I don’t want that either.

So please, when it feels like I am pushing you away,

Please understand that I never truly want you to go.

When I say that I want to give up,

Please understand, I don’t want that.

I don’t want to give up.

A heart that listens- that’s all I’ll ever want.

 

I am a network of neurotransmitters, hormones, electrical signals;

All these physiological aspects of my corporeal body

That I cannot put into fathomable terms.

I swear, I swear I try.

Try to understand why I feel the way that I feel.

Maybe it is beyond my comprehension.

 

But more than that, I am a Soul.

Capable of loving and getting hurt and loving yet again,

A heart that wants to be heard.

No matter how dull the thud,

No matter how lifeless it may be right now,

It only wants to be heard.

Please understand.

 

finding_peace_in_solitude_by_si2

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